Last Words
by mi guard
Summary: What happens when after a harsh argument you have with your brother, you regret your last words but you're not sure you can apologize anymore?
1. Chapter 1

**This idea to this story has been in my mind for some time now. It should have been a much shorter story, but after I started writing, it went a little out of my hands. It didn't exactly turn out as I had imagined it, but I hope you can enjoy it. Please read and review. I appreciate constructive criticism.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Blue Bloods.**

„Danny! Sometimes you really make me wish that I were an only child. At least I wouldn't have older siblings always picking on me and constantly finding something to object to what I do or what I say, or telling me what I should do better and how. In fact, Danny, is your goal in life actually making mine terrible? I'm tired of all this. "

In this exact moment they reached a red light and Jamie stormed out of Danny's car, without waiting for his brother's reaction. He was fuming. Danny had been impossible the whole week, probably also due to a case he had been working. When children were involved, Danny took it always personally. But why was he apparently the only one having to suffer through Danny's bad moods? That wasn't fair.

"Hey, where are you going? I was giving you a lift home." Danny shouted through the open car window.

"I'll walk!"

Jamie shouted back, not even bothering to look back at Danny, so he missed his brother's very confused and shocked expression. He was already out of sight when Danny started to hit the wheel over and over again with his fist.

Danny hadn't moved from the very spot where Jamie had got out of the car, until he heard a cacophony of car horns behind him. He started the car and drove home. His mind was in a sort of vacuum and he did not really pay attention to the traffic around him. It was a near miracle that he made it home without running over some pedestrians or causing an accident.

When he finally arrived, he parked his car in his driveway but didn't get out of it. He remained seated and tried to sort out his thoughts and feelings. He had just closed a case of child abuse. Seeing what that man had done to that poor kid, had made him feel sick. But he had been able to arrest the bastard. His boss, however, hadn't been very happy of the way he had closed the case. It had been a 'Danny Reagan closure', as he had pointed it out, which meant, not really by the book. And then today while he was driving Jamie home, Jamie was telling him about an arrest he had made earlier that day where he had had to stop his new partner from doing something not by the book which could have caused the perp to get free afterwards.

Jamie had hardly finished his sentence, when Danny's anger which had built up during the whole week exploded. Hearing what Jamie had told about the mistake of his new partner, had given Danny the impression that Jamie was shoving Danny's own mistakes under his nose. So he accused him not to work like a real cop. He shouted angrily at him that sometimes in order to get things done, it was not always possible to have the job done by the book. That if he wanted to work by the book, he should have kept his first career choice, being a lawyer. He even said that working the way he did made him a liability to the other cops. He hadn't realized how violent his outburst had been until Jamie had shouted at him that he would have preferred to be an only child and had stormed out of the car.

Thinking of it, Jamie was surely not speaking about his mistake. How could he? He had no idea that he had closed the case in a 'Danny Reagan way'. And this whole 'you should have become a lawyer and not a cop' argument, was not really what he thought about Jamie; at least not anymore. The kid had proven to be a good cop, an excellent cop even; sometimes better than himself. At least with Jamie perps would not risk to have to be set free again due to a mistake done by a cop; the same could not be said about him. He was still worried that because of his 'Danny Reagan closure' that child molester could get free without charges. That thought made him feel sick again. Probably this was the real reason he had reacted so violently to Jamie's remark. He was angry, very angry, but not at Jamie, he was furious at himself.

The problem was that he had taken it out on Jamie, his kid brother, again, but this time he had really exaggerated. Danny was leaning his head on the steering wheel. He started to hit the wheel with his head, first mildly, then harder and harder, until he heard a timid knocking on the car window. He slowly looked up and saw into Jack's wide eyes. Danny sighed and got out of the car.

"Dad? Are you okay?" asked Jack, worry clearly in his voice.

"Yeah, kid, everything is okay. Dad had a difficult week but now it's over. Come, let's go inside and see what mom has prepared for dinner."

During dinner he hardly spoke a word and replied to questions only in monosyllables. After having sent the boys to watch TV, Linda approached him.

"What happened Danny? Something is clearly bothering you," she asked him very concerned.

Danny looked up at her, with a tormented expression. "I screwed it up, I really did."

"At work?"

"Not only. Also with Jamie. I was furious at myself and I took it out on him. Today he stormed out of my car telling me that he would have preferred not having me as a brother." Danny laughed bitterly. "And I can't even blame him for that; I wouldn't want me as a brother, either."

"Danny, have you tried to call him afterwards in order to apologize?"

"No." Danny paused. "I hadn't the courage yet. He must be really mad at me. I actually hurt him, Linda. Why? Why could I not keep my mouth shut?"

Linda looked him into his eyes and was touched and worried to see that Danny, her strong Danny, her rock, had watery eyes.

She asked him softly: "Why don't you call him now? He probably calmed down in the meantime. Your brother doesn't normally hold a grudge."

She smiled at him encouragingly. Danny looked doubtful for a moment, but then he took his phone and walked into the living room. He came back to the kitchen a few minutes later, looking upset.

"He didn't pick up. After a few rings it went to voicemail. I hung up; I can't speak about this on a voicemail."

"Maybe he was busy and could not reply", Linda offered. "Look, in two days you'll see him at Sunday dinner. Latest by then you'll be able to speak to him and tell him how much you're sorry."

Danny didn't look very confident about that but he nodded and made an attempt of a smile to Linda. She always knew how to calm him down. But she could not sort out his mess, he needed to do it all by himself.

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Saturday late afternoon, Linda called Danny on his cell.

"Danny, Erin called, she's submerged in work and therefore she needs you to go and get the meat she has ordered for Sunday dinner at the butcher shop. It's Leonard's market on the 2nd avenue."

"Aren't there any butchers in Brooklyn? Why did she order the meat in Manhattan? And why can't Jamie go? He lives in Manhattan."

Linda paused for a moment. She knew that Danny would not like the reply.

"Erin has already tried with him but Jamie won't make it to Sunday dinner as he has taken an extra tour."

Danny did not reply immediately. Linda heard him sigh. He asked softly:

"He won't come to Sunday dinner?"

"No, Danny, he'll be working. I'm sorry. I know you wanted to talk to him. Maybe you try calling him later today."

"Yeah, I will."

"Will you pick up the meat?"

"With Jack we are nearly done with the shopping for his school camp week. We will make a little detour and we'll pick up also the meat. Don't worry. I won't forget it."

"Thank you Danny. See you later. I love you."

"I love you too."

Danny had promised Jack that he could buy some comics for himself and for his brother Sean. So while Jack was taking his time in the comics shop, Danny decided that he could try to call his brother. He found a rather calm corner in the mall where he could talk undisturbed, while still keeping an eye on the entrance of the comics shop. The call went to voicemail after a few rings, so Danny hung up.

'Kid, are you still mad at me?' he thought. He felt the guilt rise again. It made him remember vividly what he had told Jamie and, especially, the way he had done it. No, he couldn't wait until sometimes next week before apologizing to his brother. He needed to do it now. He dialed Jamie's number again and when the call went to voicemail, he spoke.

"Hey kid. It's me, Danny. I can understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore. After what I told you yesterday I wouldn't want to speak to me either. I'm sorry Jamie, I'm really very sorry. I don't know what came over me. Yesterday I was furious, yes, but at myself because I may have messed up a case. And imagine why. Yes, I'm sure you guessed right. I didn't close it by the book. I should have never taken out my anger on you. You're a great cop, Jamie. Don't believe anyone who tells you differently, even if that person would be me. You would have never done my mistake. I'm sure you'll become the best cop this family ever had. Jamie, you're one of the most important persons in my life. I can't lose you. I beg you, please forgive me."

Danny's voice had grown more and more emotional during his apology. He needed to close the conversation as he felt that his voice was going to break. He whispered an "I love you kid" and hung up. His eyes were watery and it took him some minutes to compose himself. Finally he saw a very happy Jack coming out of the shop and he waved at him. Next stop, the butcher shop on the 2nd Avenue.

When Danny and Jack entered the butcher shop, there weren't many clients. A young man was searching for some item on a rack on the wall near the entrance. Two women were talking animatedly near the window, with a lot of grocery bags placed on the floor. When Danny entered the shop, he looked at the two women to see whose turn it was to be served, but they both made him a sign that they weren't in a hurry and he could go for his shopping. Danny nodded in thanks and he and Jack moved to the counter. Danny smiled when he noticed that Jack looked somewhat disgusted at the sight of so much meat in all possible variations. He turned to the seller behind the counter.

"Good evening. I'm picking up the order for Erin Reagan."

"Of course, we keep the ordered goods in the refrigerator in the back room. Just a second, I'll go fetch it for you." And he disappeared.

Danny turned his gaze to Jack who had paled and was looking at a rabbit. The butcher hadn't cut it in pieces, and even without the skin it looked still very much like a naked rabbit. Jack looked up at his father and said.

"I will never eat rabbit meat in my life."

Seeing Jack's reaction to the meat made him chuckle and it also distracted him. He did not pay particular attention to the sound of steps entering the shop. He wasn't bothered by clients coming after him, as he was nearly done and could finally go home with Jack.

So when suddenly pain exploded all over his back and he was shoved with full force against the Plexiglas in front of him, it came completely unexpected. He managed to push with all his strength against the Plexiglas to get a better standing. His head was whirling. He needed to protect Jack. He needed to protect himself. He tried to raise his arms to protect his head and his torso, but before he could do anything, he got hit again in his side with full strength. From the pain, everything went black for a short moment and it took him his breath. He stumbled against the Plexiglas. He was hardly able to stand anymore.

The pain clouded his mind, he couldn't think clearly. He considered: 'Was that a baseball bat?' He needed to turn himself in order to fight back. He managed to turn slightly his head but they hit him again, violently, this time on his head. This hit caught him diagonally from the base of his skull, over his left ear up to the side of his left eye. He heard Jack crying "DAD!", then his head exploded in pain and suddenly he felt his strength gone, his legs and his arms refused their duties and he sank against the Plexiglas and then slipped along it to his right side, falling over Jack and taking him down in the process. He could still feel getting kicked in his kidneys while already on the ground and then nothing more. Nothing in his body seemed to respond anymore to any command: not his mouth, not his legs, not his arms, not even his ears or his eyes. The only thing he could feel was that he was hurting, he was in terrible pain and he felt sick, extremely sick.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter . I really appreciated. And here we go with chapter 2**

**Again I don't own Blue Bloods**

"Reagan! Are you always that quiet when you're on the beat? It's nearly frightening. Do you have any kind of problem? Do I have to worry about you?" Jamie's new partner, Officer Sam Davis, was looking at him expectantly.

"Sorry, I'm just not in the mood of talking. Do you have siblings?"

"Siblings? Yes, a brother and a sister, both younger than me, why do you ask?" he was clearly surprised at the apparent change of topic.

"Lucky you! I have siblings, too, but I'm the youngest." Jamie replied in a pained voiced.

Officer Davis looked at him, started laughing and said: "Judging from your expression I suppose that your siblings make your life difficult, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"That's normal. I'm doing the same with my brother and sister."

"Are you always telling them what they shall do, how they shall do it and how you would have made it better?"

"Well, yes, more or less. That's what the oldest brother does", Davis said with a mischievous smile.

"Why would you do that? Shouldn't they be able to make their own experiences in life?"

"I do it because I love them and they shall be able to learn from my mistakes, without having to make them themselves." Davis said in a more serious tone. "But even when they will have made their own way in life, even if they become President of the United States of America, once in a while I'm sure that I'll still tell them what they shall do and how. After all, I'll always be the oldest", he added smirking.

Jamie looked at him, remained silent for a moment and stated as a matter of fact: "So, even if I become the President, my brother Danny would still pick on me?"

"I don't know your brother, but, yeah, he probably will."

"Lucky me then!" Jamie sighed, but didn't look so pained anymore.

Jamie had been really mad at Danny when he had stormed out of his car. When he had heard all the horns behind him, he had realized that his brother hadn't yet moved and was probably waiting for him to come back. No, he wouldn't give way. Danny had to learn that he could not treat him like this only because he was in a bad mood. He wanted to be a good cop and a good cop should work by the book. Why would Danny not understand this? He had been working so hard these three years and he was of the opinion that he had done a rather good job so far. Why would Danny always find a reason to pick on him?

When he finally arrived home, tired of the walk, he hadn't been so sure anymore that his theatrical exit had been a good idea. He had rewound their conversation in his head while walking home and only now it had become clear to him what in fact his last words to Danny had been. He had told him that he would have preferred that he didn't exist, that he would have preferred not to have him as a brother. Jamie suddenly felt his heart jump. What had he told his brother! They had already lost a brother. He knew what it meant to miss someone. How could he even think of giving up on another brother? Danny had hurt him with his words, but hearing from Jamie that he didn't want him as a brother must have hurt even more. Why was his relationship with Danny so difficult? Why had it been so much easier with Joe?

Jamie had decided that a shower would help calm him down. When he came back into his living room still drying his hairs with a towel, he checked his cell phone. There had been a call, from Danny of course. He had tried to reach him. Jamie sat on his couch with the phone in his hands, not knowing what he should do. Should he call his brother back? He was completely worn down. He wasn't sure if he had sufficient energy to speak to Danny tonight. No, he would speak to him tomorrow, when both of them had calmed down, hopefully. He decided to take it easy that evening: eat something, watch TV and then go to sleep. But what if Danny called again? To be sure not to be disturbed, he put his cell phone on silent mode.

Now it was already late afternoon and he still hadn't spoken to his brother. Danny hadn't tried to reach him anymore and he didn't know what he should do. Who should call first? Danny or him? His shift with Officer Davis would end in about two hours. Jamie decided that if Danny hadn't called by then, he would call him.

On that moment the radio came to life. There was a 10-10, a possible crime on 2nd Avenue, just two blocks away from their present position. So they headed immediately in that direction. On their way, they learned some more details. There had been several 911 calls reporting two men with baseball bats entering a shop and shortly after running out of it. Two other patrol cars had already started pursuing the suspects. Jamie and Davis had to go and check the shop, it should be a butcher shop. Why did that ring a bell with Jamie?

When they arrived near the butcher shop, two women moved towards them waving in order to get their attention.

"Oh my God, it was terrible", panted the first one.

"Really terrible", confirmed the second.

"They entered the shop and started hitting the client who was being served. Then one went at the back to look for the butcher himself. We heard screaming. That's when we run outside before they started hurting us too. Oh my God, oh my God, that was awful", the first woman nearly screamed.

Her friend added: "And the poor boy. He was calling out for his dad."

"Ma'am, are they still inside?" Jamie tried to interrupt the two women.

"Who? The men with the baseball bats? No, they run in that direction", and she pointed North.

"Thank you for the information, please stay here", Officer Davis told the two women, and he and Jamie headed cautiously towards the shop.

"Our grocery bags are still inside", one of the women shouted.

Jamie and Davis took a bewildered look at each other, and Jamie whispered: "Really? That's their main concern just now?"

When they entered the door, they could only see a body with his back to them, lying along the counter. Just behind them, two more officers arrived at the scene. Jamie made them sign to go and check the back room while he and Davis moved towards the body which strangely seemed to be slightly moving. When they approached, they understood why. They could see a little arm trying to lever the man's body up.

Officer Davis exclaimed: "The boy, he's trapped below the body, we need to free him."

Davis arrived first at the body lying on the ground, and checked for a pulse.

"He's still alive. I'll try to lift him sufficiently for you to pull the boy out, before he suffocates. But do it slowly, I need to keep the man stabilized in case he's hurt at the spine. I can already see that they hurt him badly on the head."

In fact the left side of the man's head and face seemed completely covered in blood.

Jamie looked down at the body and for a moment had the impression to know the man, but he could not place him. However, he was still lying with his back to them and Davis was in the way, so he didn't have a clear view of him. He concentrated in gripping the boy's arms as soon as Davis slightly lifted the man.

"Okay, boy, I got you. Now I'll pull you out. You need to tell me if you're hurting anywhere and I will stop immediately. Okay?" Jamie tried to reassure the boy.

But he got no reply from the boy. He could see blood on the boy's head but did not know if it was the boy's blood or the man's. In any case the boy was sufficiently conscious to try crawling out of his difficult position by himself. Jamie had gripped him from behind so he had not yet seen the boy's face. He helped him leaning against the counter, sitting on the ground. The boy could not take his gaze away from the unconscious man on the floor. Jamie gently touched his face and made him look away and into his own eyes. That's when realization hit Jamie like a lightning.

"Jack." He choked. That was his nephew and he was clearly in shock. He was looking into his eyes, but it seemed that Jack was looking through him, without seeing him.

"Jack." He tried again.

Officer Davis looked up confused. He was still holding the man's head to avoid more damage. "You know the boy?"

Jamie could not reply. If that was Jack, then the man on the floor had to be Danny. He moved around Officer Davis to have a better look at the man's face that was still turned towards the counter. He blanched, felt like fainting and fell to his knees.

"Reagan! What do you have? Do you know the boy? Do you know the man? Reagan! Speak to me!" Davis shouted.

Jamie was not able to reply. His world was spinning. He could see Davis shouting at him but he did not hear a sound. His brother was lying there beaten up, and nearby was Jack sitting and looking down at his father. Of my….. Jack! He needed to take him out of there. He shouldn't see his father in that condition. Jamie tried to stand up, but his knees didn't want to cooperate. They began to buckle and he risked falling on Officer Davis who was now shouting his name, over and over again, trying to shake him from his stupor.

Suddenly two strong hands gripped his shoulders, yanked him backwards and forced him to sit on the floor.

"Reagan! What's wrong with you? Are you hurt?"

Hearing Renzulli's worried voice helped Jamie to get a grip on himself and he looked up at his Sergeant. Renzulli hadn't expected to see his very pale and shocked face. He turned to Davis.

"Davis, what happened to him?"

"I don't know, Sir. Everything was okay until he got the boy from under the man. He seemed to recognize them and became unresponsive."

Renzulli frowned. Then he moved to face the boy, who was still in a state of shock.

"Oh my God! I think I know who this boy is!"

Davis got even more confused.

"Let me check the man", said Renzulli.

He moved around Davis to have a better look at the man's face, and cursed.

Renzulli immediately contacted dispatch. "We have an officer down. Where is the bus which has been called? In fact we need three: one for the shop owner, one for Detective Reagan and one for his son."

"ETA is in two minutes", dispatch replied.

"Detective Reagan? This is a detective?", asked a worried Davis. "Sergeant? Is this Detective Reagan related to Jamie?"

"It's his older brother."

They both turned to look at Jamie who was still sitting on the floor, looking completely lost. Renzulli crouched down in front of him, gripping both his shoulders and said,

"Jamie! Look at me! You need to help your nephew. He shouldn't be there looking at his injured father. Otherwise I'll have another officer taking him outside, but it would be better if it were you, because he knows you."

Jamie looked up at Renzulli and then at Jack and finally seemed to be able to shake himself. Renzulli helped him up. Jamie's gaze wandered to Danny and he whispered:

"It's Danny, Searge. It's my brother."

"I know, Jamie. Help is arriving." Renzulli said softly.

Jamie lowered himself in front of Jack, trying to get his attention.

"Jack! Look at me!" Jamie said softly. "Jack, it's me, Uncle Jamie. Do you recognize me? Jack!"

Jack responded when he heard his own name and turned to look at Jamie but still didn't seem to recognize him and his gaze wandered back to his father's body on the ground. Jamie bent down to take the boy in his arms. In that exact moment violent tremors started to shake Danny's body and Davis had a hard time trying to keep him stabilized. That seemed to shake Jack from his daze. He started screaming for his dad and Jamie had to lift him, put him in a bear hug and dig Jack's face into his shoulder not letting him see his father anymore. Jamie himself was shocked to see his normally strong brother in such a week, helpless state.

Finally the EMT's arrived and shoved them all outside in order to work on Danny. One paramedic wanted to check on Jack but when Jamie tried to loosen his grip on Jack, the boy started screaming again and clung to his uncle as if his entire life depended on it. So Jamie had to carry Jack into the ambulance. But Jack still didn't want to let go of him.

"Sir, I think it would be the best if you came with us and with the boy to the hospital. We would make matters worse if we tried to separate you here", the paramedic said while trying to take Jack's vitals.

"But I need to go with my brother", objected Jaime.

"Reagan, you're of no help to your brother just now, but you can be of great help to Jack. Go! I promise I'll ride with Danny as soon as he'll be ready for transport and I'll keep you posted about any change." Renzulli promised.

The paramedic objected. "Sir, I don't think they will allow you to ride along due to his severe injuries."

"Yeah, you think? I would like to see them stop me. I'll ride along and this isn't up for discussion." Renzulli's tone was so definitive that the paramedic took a step back and Jamie nodded thankfully at him.

"Reagan! Have you already called the boy's mom?" inquired Renzulli.

Jamie paled. Linda! He had to inform Linda. He nodded to his Sergeant just before the back doors of the ambulance closed on him. He was sitting on the stretcher which was intended for Jack. The boy was sitting on his lap, both his knees on Jamie's sides resting on the stretcher, his arms still holding Jamie tight. It was the only way Jamie had managed to position himself and Jack in the ambulance. With one hand he searched for his phone and dialed Danny's and Linda's home number.

"Hello?" He heard Linda's voice.

"Linda? This is Jamie."

"Hey Jamie. If you're looking for Danny, he should be back any moment. Can he call you back?"

"Linda! Please! You need to go immediately to Saint Vic's Hospital!"

"Jamie?" Linda felt panic rising. "What happened? Who's in the hospital?"

"Linda, I'm in the ambulance with Jack. I don't think he's hurt but he's in shock. He really needs you."

"Oh my God, Jamie, what happened? Where is Danny? Jack was with Danny!" Linda's voice was trembling, fearing already for the worst.

"Danny is being brought in by another ambulance, right behind us. He's been attacked while he was in a butcher shop. He was hit with a baseball bat and lost consciousness. I can't tell you more. I'm sorry, Linda." Jamie's voice was breaking, emotions overwhelming.

"I'm leaving right away." And she hung up.

Jamie was looking at his phone. He had to make two more calls and was dreading doing both of them. But he had to call his father and Erin. He took a deep breath and dialed the first number.

"Dad?"

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for having reviewed the earlier chapters. :) – and here we go with Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Blue Bloods**

When they arrived at the E.R. Jack still refused to let go of Jamie. He had blood on his head, his face and his clothes so the doctor wanted to have him urgently checked over to see if he was injured but it was not possible without using excessive force, which in his present state of mind, wouldn't have been good for his sanity.

So a nurse asked Jamie: "Do you know how we can contact his parents? We need to give him something to calm him down otherwise we cannot check him over."

"I'm his uncle. His father is arriving in another ambulance but he's unconscious. I've already called his mother. She's on her way to the hospital. She's a nurse working here; her name is Linda Reagan."

"This is Linda's boy?" asked the surprised nurse. "I'll call her and see if she can give us the approval by phone."

So by the time Linda arrived, Jack had calmed down and they could finally check him over. It turned out that apart from some bruises and small cuts, he wasn't hurt; at least not in his body, but clearly in his spirit. He was moved into a single room where, in his mother's arms, he fell in a deep sleep thanks to the drugs they had given him. Henry and Sean, who had arrived with Frank shortly before, were now sitting with him, in case he woke up.

Jamie and Frank were in the waiting room. When Frank had arrived, he had found Jamie, sat on a chair with his elbows resting on his knees and his head buried in his hands. He was shaking. Now that he didn't need to stay strong for Jack anymore, he was slipping back in his previous state of unresponsiveness. So when Frank put his arm around Jamie's shoulders, this startled Jamie and he jumped from his seat. When his gaze fell on his father, he collapsed into his seat and the tears he had been able to hold back so far, started to fall down his cheeks. He looked up at his father and noticed that also Frank's eyes were watery.

"Dad, he looked really bad. They hit him hard on his head, at least that's what I could see" he said in a whisper.

"I know, I heard the first report from the scene", replied Frank sadly. "Every day I live with the fear to get a call that one of my sons has been injured in the line of work. But I would have never expected this: Danny being beaten up while buying meat at a butcher shop during his day off."

He paused and after some minutes he added. "I don't get it Jamie; as it looks so far from the statements of the witnesses, the two men went directly for him, not even deigning to look at the other clients, as if he had been targeted specifically. But, even if a lot of people can have a grudge against Danny, who could have known that he would be there? Linda had called him only about one hour earlier and asked him to go to that shop."

In that moment Linda entered the room. She looked really pallid and had black lines running from her eyes down her cheeks; her mascara hadn't been able to resist all her tears. She was gripping herself in a tight embrace. Frank made her a sign to come and sit down next to him.

"How is Jack?" asked Frank softly.

"Not good, but at least he's sleeping now." She turned to Jamie. "I still can't believe it. You had to free him from under his father! I can't even imagine what he went through in those moments. He must have been scared to death. First having to witness how his father is being beaten up and then … ". She started sobbing. "How can I help him when he wakes up?" she questioned still weeping. She leant against Frank's shoulder, who put his arm protectively around her and kissed her on her head.

"I don't know Linda, we'll take it one day at a time" answered Frank.

"Linda?" Jamie tried to get her attention. "Did you get any word on Danny?"

"No, only that they are still running all sort of tests to check the extent of his injuries. I've been forbidden to even approach the room where he is."

Finally the door of the waiting room opened and a doctor came in. They all looked up expectantly but dreading to hear what the doctor would reveal.

"Good evening, my name is Doctor Miller", he said nodding to Frank and Jamie, but then turned to Linda and continued, "Linda, we have been checking the injuries of your husband. For a moment we feared for his kidneys which had nearly stopped working, but this eventuality seems to have been banned. He's severely bruised, mainly on his back and on his head. His legs don't respond but we believe that this paralysis will be only temporary as so far we couldn't find any specific damage to the spine which could cause it. It looks like that the hits to his back have caused a general swelling around his spine. Most probably this causes pressure on some nerves which would explain the paralysis. We will, however, have to wait until the swelling goes back to be sure. Of all his injuries the ones to his head are the worst." The doctor paused. "His left eardrum is burst, his left zygomatic bone has several cracks but the worst is that the skull bone has been broken at the back of his head and this caused an important internal bleeding in his brain."

Linda gasped in horror. 'A bleeding in his brain? Oh my God', she thought terrified.

Jamie went even paler as he was before, and Frank strengthened his grip on both Linda and Jamie in order to stay anchored. He had the impression to stand in front of a bottomless black abyss which could swallow him.

Doctor Miller added: "We need to make an urgent surgical intervention to get that blood out of his brain, before the pressure makes too much damage and he falls in an irreversible coma." He paused for a moment. "We need to go for it, now, we can't wait any longer. We need your okay immediately. There is no time to lose."

Linda closed her eyes to compose herself, then nodded and said: "Where do I have to sign?"

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They were in the waiting room expecting some news on Danny's surgery. How long had they been waiting? Time seemed to have stopped. Henry had quickly come to check on them, but had returned to Sean and Jack. Nicky had arrived too and was now leaning against her grandfather. Jamie was sitting near to Linda and was restless in his chair. Linda looked tiredly up at him and saw that he was silently crying.

"Jamie?"

He looked up at her, wiped away the tears from his eyes, hesitated a moment, lowered his head and said: "Do you know which were the last words I told Danny yesterday?"

Understanding where this conversation was going, Linda tried to interrupt him. "Jamie! Stop!"

Surprised Frank and Nicky turned to them. But Jamie wouldn't stop.

"I told him that I wished I were an only child. In fact I told him, that I would have preferred he didn't exist." He whimpered. "And now he's in surgery and I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him that I'm sorry."

"Stop that Jaime!" Linda ordered, tears running down her face.

For a moment she wasn't able to speak. Finally she added. "He told me himself that he had hurt you with his words and that he understood why you were angry at him. In fact he wanted to call you to apologize."

Jaime looked away guiltily, lacking the courage to look into Linda's eyes. "I saw that he called but I didn't call him back. I should have."

Linda took Jamie into a hug and whispered: "Oh Jamie, you two will be able to apologize to each other after Danny's surgery. Just keep believing it. Okay? You know that he loves you, right?"

Jamie couldn't speak a word, but nodded at Linda.

They were still in their tight embrace when Erin entered the room together with Detective Baez and Sergeant Gormely. Both of them nodded to the group but remained silent. Erin crouched down in front of Linda, hardly being able to hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry Linda, I'm so sorry", Erin whispered. "It's my fault. If I hadn't ordered the meat there, nothing of this would have happened to Danny and Jack. You can't even imagine how sorry I am."

Now she couldn't hold back anymore and burst into tears. Linda was confused.

"Erin, it's nobody's fault. It was a coincidence. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time," she tried to reassure her sister-in-law.

Frank had followed the conversation and now addressed Sergeant Gormely.

"Sergeant Gormely? Do you have any news on the attack?"

The Sergeant seemed a bit uncomfortable but then explained.

"Yes, Sir, in fact we have. We now believe that Detective Reagan was not the main target of the attack but, if I could say so, he was a 'target by proxy'. One of the witnesses remembered that one of the two men said something like "This is what happens to informants and to those they give information." So we checked in that direction and found that the shop owner had agreed to work with the State Attorney's Office reporting those to whom he had to pay protection money.

Erin added. "I was really happy that finally someone had the courage to stand up against this criminal organization which had been terrorizing shop owners all over New York. We had been trying to bring them to justice for months but without success." She paused. "I thought that the courage of that man should have been rewarded and the less I could do was to buy from his shop. But probably someone working there must have heard about my order and informed the criminals."

Detective Baez continued. "They probably wanted to make an example. In fact we suspect that they were waiting for Assistant State Attorney Reagan but when Danny, ehm …. I mean, Detective Reagan showed up, they just went for him, and for the shop owner."

"It should have been me, not Danny" whimpered Erin. She was now sobbing so hard that she started to tremble. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

For a moment Linda froze in shock, but then she bent down and, with Nicky's help, guided Erin to a chair next to hers where she took Erin into a hug which Erin reciprocated, both women trying to comfort each other.

If the explanation had surprised Frank, he did not show it. Just now he was the Commissioner. "Did you catch them?"

"We caught one, Sir. And this one will lead us to the other man and then to those who ordered this hit. We will get them!" Sergeant Gormely stated as a matter of fact.

"What about the shop owner? Will he still testify?" wanted to know Frank.

"Oh yes, now he's really angry and wants them to pay" replied the Sergeant.

"Good. Let them pay for what they did!" said Frank with a dark expression.

When Gormely and Baez left, they crossed Renzulli who entered the waiting room but felt a little out of place.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb, but I wanted to know if you had some news on Danny."

"You do never disturb, Tony", Frank said, "we're still waiting, he is in surgery. Thanks for coming by."

"Searge, you could have called" offered Jamie.

"I could, if you replied to my calls or to Davis' calls", responded Renzulli.

"I don't understand. I never got a call from any of you."

"Then you're phone must be broken, because it rings and then goes to voicemail" said Renzulli.

Nicky added. "He's right, uncle Jamie, before I came here I tried to call you but you never replied."

Surprised Jamie took out his phone. "It's in silent mode", he stated. "I forgot to change it back."

In fact there were a lot of lost calls, from Renzulli, from Sam Davis, from Nicky, from Erin and from Danny. From Danny there were several missed calls, not only the one of the evening before. Jamie was staring at his phone. Danny had tried to call him several times. Jamie blinked. There was also a message on his voicemail from Danny. Jamie felt anxiety rise inside, but he hit the button and listened to Danny's message:

"_Hey kid. It's me, Danny. I can understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore. After what I told you yesterday I wouldn't want to speak to me either. I'm sorry Jamie, I'm really very sorry. I don't know what came over me. Yesterday I was furious, yes, but at myself because I may have messed up a case. And imagine why. Yes, I'm sure you guessed right. I didn't close it by the book. I should have never taken out my anger on you. You're a great cop, Jamie. Don't believe anyone who tells you differently, even if that person would be me. You would have never done my mistake. I'm sure you'll become the best cop this family ever had. Jamie, you're one of the most important persons in my life. I can't lose you. I beg you, please forgive me… I love you kid" _

Throughout the message Jamie had started to breathe faster and faster. At the end of the voicemail message he nearly choked. He was already hyperventilating. He tried to stand but his legs failed to hold him and he tumbled to the ground before anyone could stop him. He lost the grip on his phone which fell to the ground. He didn't get enough air and he felt a pain in his chest. His lips started to become blue and he was going to collapse.

Linda had already gone into nurse mode and had sprinted out of the room. She came back with a paper bag. She put it in front of Jamie's mouth and nose and made him breathe into the paper bag and slowly Jamie's breathing begun to normalize and he calmed down. Renzulli and Frank eased him back to his seat.

Frank was really worried. "Jamie? What happened? Please speak to me."

But Jamie was completely exhausted. He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing slowly. Nicky had picked up the phone from the ground and was looking at it.

"There is a voicemail from uncle Danny", she informed the others and when Jamie reopened his eyes, she handed him his phone.

Jamie glanced at his phone to see if it was broken. Seeing that it still worked, he sighed in relief. Hearing his brother's voice had him realize even more how terrible it would be losing him. No, Jamie definitively didn't want to be an only child. He wanted Danny in his life. Even if sometimes his brother could be impossible, he could not imagine a life without Danny. He needed to tell him this. He wanted Danny to know that he never meant what he had told him. If he only could erase the words he had said the day before! He loved his brother and he knew that Danny loved him. They just needed to find a way not to bump heads all the time. They would find a way, they had to. But first Danny needed to survive the surgery and wake up. Jamie needed to believe it. Linda was right. He couldn't stop believing it. The alternative was just not acceptable.

For the second time the same day Renzulli was confronted with a non responsive Jamie and it was really troubling. He and Frank had tried for the last two minutes to get Jamie's attention but without success. They were seriously considering calling for a doctor when the doors opened and a doctor entered. It was Doctor Miller. This got Jamie's attention and he immediately stood. All the others followed him.

"Doctor?" asked Frank.

"It has been a difficult surgery, but as far as we can see, it has been successful." Again the doctor searched for Linda's gaze and continued. "The pressure to your husband's brain has been reduced. Now we need to wait until the swelling recedes. Afterwards we will take care of his eardrum."

"Can we see him?" asked Linda.

"He's still in ICU, so you won't be able to stay. Family will be allowed to see him for few minutes. Who is family?"

Everyone except Renzulli replied. The doctor was a little taken aback but then he nodded and said: "Okay, two at a time for not more than two minutes each group."

"Thank you Doctor Miller, for everything." Linda said with watery eyes. "Thank you."

The doctor smiled at her and left the room.

They decided that Frank and Linda should go first to see Danny. Afterwards it was the turn of Erin and Nicky.

Jamie went last, alone. He was standing a few feet away from the bed not having the courage to approach it. The sight of his brother frightened him. Seeing all those tubes, made everything look surreal. Danny was lying so still. If it hadn't been for the constant beeping of the machines, you could have thought that he was dead.

But the worst was the bandage covering his head. It covered his entire left side including the eye. The part of his face which wasn't covered was so swollen, that he nearly hadn't recognized his own brother. Jamie felt his breath accelerate again. No, he needed to calm down, he couldn't hyperventilate again. Not here. Not now. Jamie closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe really slowly. It helped.

Finally he approached the bed. He slightly touched Danny's arm. His brother was so bruised, that Jamie was afraid to hurt him only by touching him. But through his fingers he could feel the warmth of Danny's body and this reassured Jamie and calmed him down even more. Danny was alive, injured but alive.

Jamie approached Danny's right ear and whispered. "Don't you dare making me the only son of the family, Danny! Please wake up soon brother, I love you." Then he remembered the voicemail message and added. "I forgive you but you need to forgive me too. I'm so sorry Danny. I never meant what I said."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**And here comes the final chapter; hope you'll like it. Thanks again to all those who read and reviewed.**

**Disclaimer: the usual**

Since Danny's first surgery, several days had passed. His condition had improved and he had been moved to a single room. But he had never woken up. The doctors said that it was not unusual. Danny needed to recover. They had to give his body time to do so.

Not even two days after the hit, Jack was discharged. The doctors said that it was important for him to go home, in familiar surroundings where he would feel safe, and for his recovery it was important that his mother spent as much time with him as possible, giving him the reassurance not to be abandoned. Linda was torn. She wanted to stay with Danny, but Jack needed her at home. Also in order to make her feel better, Jamie, Henry, Nicky and even Erin and Frank decided to take turns for staying with Danny, so that he would never be alone. Even Detective Baez and Sergeant Gormely came for a few hours. But it was Jamie who stayed the most with Danny, keeping watch over his unconscious brother.

Jamie was now sitting on a chair near Danny's bed. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept much the last few days. Therefore he had placed his crossed arms on Danny's bed and was leaning his head on them, trying to rest. Something woke him from his half-sleep. He lifted his head expecting to see a nurse or a doctor, but he was alone with Danny. He turned his gaze to his brother, who was still lying unconscious on the bed, motionless.

Wait! There! Danny's eyelids had fluttered, just for one short moment. Again! And the index finger of his right hand! It was moving! Jamie stood from the chair in order to move closer to Danny's face. There again! Danny's eyelids slowly opened for a moment, but closed quickly and a frown appeared on Danny's face. The light! It must have disturbed him! Jamie immediately positioned himself so that with his body he would provide shadow from the light coming from the window. Again Danny's eyes slowly opened; this time they remained open, but unfocused. Jamie's face lit up. He moved into Danny's field of vision and smiled.

"Hey!" said Jamie in a soft voice, being careful of not giving him a fright.

This got Danny's attention and he turned his head slightly in Jamie's direction.

"Hey?" Danny croaked.

"You're awake!" Jamie stated clearly relieved and not being able to stop that single tear of joy from running down his cheek.

Confused Danny asked: "What happened? Why am I here?"

"You don't remember? What is the last thing you can remember?" inquired Jamie.

Danny thought about it. "I'm not sure", he said tiredly. "I remember shopping with Jack." He paused. Then he looked at Jamie bewildered. "I remember a naked rabbit."

Jamie frowned. That head injury must have affected his brother very badly. But before he had the time to come back with a reply, Danny started to panic.

"I remember being hit from behind! Oh my God! Jack was with me! What happened to Jack? Jamie, what happened to my son?" Danny cried frantic with worry.

The machines to which Danny was connected started beeping like crazy. That wasn't good for Danny's condition. Jamie jumped from his seat and was trying to hold Danny down before he hurt himself.

"Danny! Danny! Jack is fine" he tried to reassure his brother. "He's at home with Linda."

But nurses and doctors were already storming into the room and moved Jamie away in order to check on Danny and give him medication to calm him down. Jamie had just the time to shout to his brother:

"I'll call Linda. She'll come immediately with the boys! Don't worry! They're all fine! I LOVE YOU DANNY."

And Jamie was shoved out of the room by the medical staff.

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Of course Linda and the boys hurried to the hospital as soon as they heard that Danny was awake, closely followed by Frank and Henry and finally by Erin and Nicky. Seeing that his family was fine calmed Danny down, more than any medication could have done. Realizing that Danny was better and that for the moment he was in good company, Jamie decided to finally go home, take a shower, change, rest a little while before going back to the hospital where he intended to stay for the night with Danny.

When he returned to the hospital, he met Linda and the boys who were just leaving. The expression of relief was not to be missed on Linda's face, and also on the boys'. But Linda still felt guilty for not being able to stay with Danny at the hospital, so when she met Jamie outside Danny's room, she took him into a hug.

"Thank you Jamie for staying with him. I really appreciate and I'm sure he does too."

She let go of him, but still held his shoulders with her hands, smiled at him with gratitude and nodded. Then she turned to take Sean's and Jack's hands in order to go away with them. But suddenly Jack, who had been very quiet since after the attack, came forward, put his arms around Jamie and hugged him firmly. Jamie was surprised at first but hugged him back right away and held him in that embrace until he felt that Jack finally relaxed in his arms. Jamie kissed him on his head. When they parted, there was a little smile on Jack's face. Then he turned around and joined his mother and Sean, who were waiting for him.

Jamie looked at them until they disappeared into the elevator, then he turned and entered Danny's room. Danny had his eyes closed, so Jamie supposed that he was sleeping. He tried to position as silently as possible the chair near to Danny's bed. When he looked up after sitting down, he met Danny's eyes who were observing him.

"You're awake!" stated Jamie in surprise.

"Yes, I am and this is the second time you tell me this today", Danny replied but smiled at his brother.

Jamie smiled back at him and said: "And you can't even imagine how this makes me feel happy."

Danny closed his eyes, but he was still smiling.

"Danny?" Jamie tried to get his brother's attention.

Danny opened his eyes again. "Yes kid?"

Jamie was moving uncomfortably in his chair and the smile had disappeared from his face. He didn't know how to start this conversation, but it needed to be done. Jamie didn't meet Danny's gaze and this worried Danny.

"Jamie? What's up?" he said anxiously.

Understanding that he shouldn't agitate his brother, Jamie decided to go straight to the point, but he hadn't the courage to look into his brother's eyes, so Jamie stared at his own hands.

"Danny, I'm really sorry, I never meant what I said. I would never want to miss you in my life. I don't want to be an only child. I want to have you as my brother."

He paused just a moment. "A really annoying brother sometimes, but still the big brother I love. I should have never said that. If there were a way to unsay it, I would", he whispered in a pained voice.

Then he timidly raised his gaze to meet Danny's. His brother had closed his eyes again, but two tears were slowly running down his cheeks. Jamie frowned.

"Danny?" he called him in worry.

"Yeah, kid." Danny croaked and opened his eyes. "Look, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I've been an idiot with you, Jamie. I'm so sorry. You're a great cop."

He paused and finally added: "You know why sometimes I'm getting angry at you or start picking on you?" He asked but did not wait for a reply. "I asked this myself a lot after our last fight. Partly it is because by doing it right you show me how I should do it better. And my ego doesn't always accept to be taught better."

He put on a frown but added in a softer voice: "But it's also because I fear the day when the hard reality of our job may destroy your optimism and your faith in humanity; I can't protect you from that so I'm probably trying to harden you for that moment."

He paused again, turned to look at Jamie with a pained expression and begged: "Can you forgive me for having been such an idiot with you?"

Jamie gasped. He hadn't noticed that he was holding his breath. "I'll forgive you, if you'll forgive me" said Jamie.

Danny lifted his hand and put it over Jamie's. "I forgive you."

"I forgive you too" said a relieved Jamie. "I love you Danny."

"I love you too kid", said Danny and relaxed, finally letting go of all the tension he had been building up.

Both smiled and remained in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

Jamie became conscious that he must have nodded off when he was abruptly startled by movements in Danny's bed. Perplexed he looked up and saw that Danny was struggling to sit up.

"Danny, what are you doing?" he asked concerned. "The doctor said you should not be moving."

"My left foot is killing me, it doesn't stop itching. I need to rub it, but I can't reach it." Danny complained weakly.

Jamie looked at the end of Danny's bed and realized that Danny was lightly grinding his foot against the bed sheets, trying to get rid of the itch.

Jamie exclaimed: "Really? These are great news."

Danny stopped moving and stared at his brother in disbelief.

"Why would my foot itching be great news?" he asked puzzled.

Jamie laughed and run out of the room leaving an even more confused Danny behind. Shortly after Jamie came back along with the night shift doctor.

The doctor addressed Danny and said: "Detective Reagan, I understand your foot is itching?"

"Yes, but I don't think that this problem requires a doctor in order to be solved", said Danny to the doctor but turned an incredulous look at Jamie, who was grinning even more at him.

"Can you move the foot which is itching?" The doctor asked Danny.

Danny gave up trying to understand his brother, and complied with the doctor's request. He moved his left foot.

"Can you move also your right foot?" the doctor wanted to know.

Danny did not see the point of this request as his right foot wasn't itching but he complied and moved it for the doctor. Now it was the doctor's turn to smile.

"Excellent. We will do some more tests tomorrow morning but I am sufficiently confident to tell you that the paralysis is gone."

Danny gaped at the doctor as realization hit him. 'Paralysis?' The drugs they were giving him didn't make him think straight; otherwise he would have understood by himself that the paralysis had gone. Jamie apparently had got it immediately. He looked at his brother and saw him busy texting with his cell phone. Most probably everyone in the family knew about his improvement by now. Danny smirked and closed his eyes.

When Jamie looked up from his phone, he saw that his brother had already fallen asleep. The doctor had left, but Jamie didn't move from his spot. He remained there watching his big brother for another moment. He still looked terrible with the bandage around his head, with all the bruises and the swelling on his face, but he wasn't in a coma anymore and he was slowly but certainly improving. Jamie was very thankful for that. Finally Jamie moved to the bed, pulled Danny's blankets up to his shoulders and he tucked him in, like their mom would do when they were kids. Satisfied with the result, he sat down on his chair. Shortly after also Jamie was softly snoring.

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When Jamie woke up in the morning, every bone in his body was aching. The chair was not really the best place for a restful sleep. His brother was also stirring and was most probably going to wake up very soon. Jamie stood and tried to stretch. In that moment a nurse entered the room.

"Good morning, is Detective Reagan awake?"

Jamie was going to reply but was interrupted by his brother.

"He is now", muttered Danny from his bed.

Jamie grinned. "Good morning to you, Danny. You've never been a morning person, right?"

Danny glared at him, but then his attention was caught by the nurse.

"I'll need to check your vitals, replace your bandages and clean you up" she said to Danny.

"I don't need to see that", returned Jamie. "I'm going to buy a coffee."

He nodded at the nurse, and then headed to the door and before disappearing out of the room said "I love you Danny."

When Jamie finally came back, the nurse was gone.

As soon as he sat down on his seat, Danny asked him: "What did you say to me just before you left to grab a coffee? You know my eardrum burst and therefore I don't hear very well, anymore."

"Only your left eardrum is burst, your right ear is working just fine, Danny. I'm sure you understood what I said" replied a smirking Jamie.

"I'm not so sure, because I think that I heard you saying 'I love you Danny'."

"You see, your hearing is good, because it's exactly what I said." Jamie stated.

"And yesterday, shortly after I woke up, you also left my room and said 'I love you Danny'." Danny added.

"As I can see, your memory is also working just fine" Jamie simply stated.

Danny paused a moment. "Can you tell me what this is about Jamie?" he asked in a more serious tone.

Jamie looked at him, and then looked away. He wasn't replying.

"Jamie?"

"Danny" started Jamie but stopped, not sure if he should go on. But then he took all his courage and continued: "I can't forget the last words I told you before you were attacked. I was thinking about them while you were brought to the E.R. I thought about them while you were in surgery. I couldn't stop thinking about them while you wouldn't wake up afterwards."

His voice had grown emotional, but for once Danny didn't make fun of him. He paused. "I wasn't sure you would make it Danny", he admitted, "and it killed me knowing that those had been my last words to you."

He stopped, looked into Danny's eyes. "I want to be sure that whatever happens in the future, my last words to you will always be kind."

Jamie couldn't keep Danny's gaze anymore and looked away. He was sure that Danny wouldn't understand, that he would mock him, so he was really surprised when he heard: "Come here kid."

And he saw a very emotional Danny with his arms wide open inviting him into a bear hug, which he accepted immediately. They kept their embrace for a short moment.

When they split, Jamie sat down again and felt his whole body relax.

Danny however said. "You know kid, if each time we part you'll tell me 'I love you'; this could cause some very awkward situations." Danny smirked.

'And here we go' thought Jamie and rolled his eyes.

Danny continued. "Imagine that you arrest a perp that I need to interrogate. You hand him over to me at the precinct and before you leave you say 'I love you' to me. Can you imagine how awkward that interrogation will be afterwards? You would ruin my whole badass reputation which took me years to build up."

"Danny, you're an idiot." Jamie said laughing.

In that moment the door opened and Linda came in. Jamie smiled at her and said to her:

"He's all yours."

His tour was starting in nearly an hour. So he took his belongings and headed to the door. He had nearly reached it when he heard an alarmed Danny:

"Jamie!"

He turned worriedly to his brother. "Is there a problem Danny?"

"Are you leaving?" asked Danny. He sounded scared.

"Yes. I'm working today." Jamie explained confused, not understanding the problem, especially considering that Linda had arrived.

Then Danny asked. "And after your explanation about your need to always part on kind words, now you leave and the last words you told me are "Danny, you're an idiot"? Really?" Danny asked incredulously, but with a mischievous grin.

Jamie paused, observed him for a moment and then said in a grave tone. "I'm really sorry Danny. You're right. These can't be my last words to you."

He seemed to consider it for a moment and then said: "Danny, you're an idiot, but I love you."

"That's better, kid" chuckled Danny.

Jamie grinned at him, turned on his heels and headed away. Before he closed the door he shouted: "I'll see you this evening."

Linda looked confused from the door to her husband and asked: "What was that about?"

Danny was grinning all over his face. "Oh, nothing, Linda. Don't worry. The kid just loves me."

THE END


End file.
